I often get asked how it is to have three girls. I usually answer something along the lines of "crazy" or "hectic," but today I had a mental breakthrough--meaning my brain actually worked enough to have a coherent train of thought. That doesn't happen all that often.
So here is my view about why girls are harder than boys. I don't have boys, I get that, but this is just my opinion.
Girls are hard, not because they're more emotional, or they cry more, or they provide more drama. I think both genders (especially at young ages) are very capable of exhibiting all of those behaviors. Girls are hard because I have to come up with rebuttals to statements like, "she's prettier than me because her ears are pierced," or "I wish I could have pretty clothes like her so I could be pretty, too." Now sure, it's easy for me to tell them that earrings don't make a girl pretty and neither do clothes, but how can I be sure that they really get it? I have a four year-old who is very aware of how people look around her and she can't help believe that if you own pretty things, then you are pretty. If you don't have your ears pierced, then you cannot be as pretty as your friend that does.
That's where it gets really hard. How can I explain to her that she's not any less pretty than her friend who has her ears pierced? How can I make her understand that even though some of her friends wear tank tops and sleeveless dresses, we don't? Especially without stepping on anyone else's toes? How can I explain to her that make-up, clothes, shoes, jewelry and all other things that adults find so necessary, really aren't? And how can I do this when I find myself wanting the newest fashionable thing because I think it'll make me feel/look better?
This is why I think girls are hard. Because, clearly, girls of all ages notice others around them and can't help but compare themselves--and more than likely see themselves as NOT coming out on top. I have had many conversations already with Cambri about what it is that actually makes a person beautiful, but I can tell that it's really hard for her grasp the fact that the person who is wearing all the latest fashion in clothing, has a great make-up job, is really skinny, has beautifully dyed hair is actually not nearly as beautiful as the woman who is giving her time and self to help someone else, who is kind to everyone, and who loves and serves the Lord? And then at the same time have her understand that there are very beautiful looking women in the world who are also beautiful on the inside? That you can't judge a book by its cover, even though that's what the world would have us do. Even though that's what we, as adults, almost can't help but do at times.
If I can get my girls to understand that earrings won't make them beautiful and all the while fully believing it myself, then I will consider myself a successful mother.
9 comments:
Yeah, I've had some of those conversations with my son but I can usually play it off with the old, "it's a girl thing" card. It sounds a lot harder when you are the primary example.
:-) I hear ya.
We have a saying around our home:
"If you think you have to walk on eggshells around someone, you do."
Sometimes delicacy is overdone when a nice dose of reality fixes a situation.
And I think your girls are the prettiest little girls to boot!
i'm sorry. i am now very grateful for my boys. keep it up, though! i need good moms like you to teach your girls those things so that my boys have good girls to marry!
I've had this talk with Riley before, and this is what we came to:
When God looks at you, he looks at your spirit. Your body is just a shell for you to get through this life with. So all that matters, is what's inside. I said, "when you're in your sweats (that are stained with various wonders...) are you not as nice as you are when you're in pretty clothes?". She said no. I asked the same question but used a different adjective everytime. (Instead of "nice" I'd say "funny", "kind", etc...) Everytime, her answer was "no". Finally I said, "When God looks at you, he sees right through your body and into YOU. Who do you think he thinks is prettier. Someone who is sweet and kind, or someone who is selfish and hateful?". She picked the first one. Long story not so short, I taught her that when she looks at someone, she needs to look at them from the inside out, instead of the other way around. I've noticed how her comments about those around her have changed since then. Instead of mean things like "Her hair looks dirty", she says things like "She is a really thoughtful friend". :) Hopefully I can keep this up. Good luck!
I agree, that's a really hard part of parenting! Let me know when you figure it out. good luck!
Well said Jill! You are a very wise parent to three really great kids! This has definitely given me some food for thought with my own girls, as it is very true!
I honestly think this is one of the trials of the latter days. Satan gets to girls/women as early as possible and makes us compare physical beauty and temporal success and popularity. I know even I still struggle with this problem at times but at least I have a better time working through it since I'm an adult and have a testimony of the gospel.
So, if you come up with a fabulous idea to help young girls, let me know. My 3-year-old is already recognizing differences around her and I have another girl as well.
thanks for giving me fear - I'll have 2 girls. and some time for introspection to find out if I'm the person I want to be.
oh my goodness! I know EXACTLY what you are going through!! I just had a conversation very similar with Ashlin and all she got out of it was "so if I am beautiful on the inside then that means I don't look pretty on the out." That is when I start all over again!
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